Babies on the Brain

I know I shouldn't be feeling like this but for some reason I want another child. I feel a strong pull to have one right now. I am sure it is just because my best friend is pregnant and so is her sister, my sister just had a baby and all of that. I remember how hard it is to have a small baby. And I know that I just got back some of my freedom. I am finally able to go to a movie with the kid. And I don't have to hold him 24/7. But somehow I still want one.

My husband says no, becuase of all of the complications I had with my son. I know I had a lot and it sucked. I had morning sickness the whole time. I lost 20 lbs in the beginning because I couldn't keep any food down. I went into preterm labor at 4 months along. I had gestational diabetes. I continued to be in labor from 6 months along and had to be put on bed rest and drugs to stop the labor. Then I had preeclampsia at the end and had to give birth a month early. Then my son had jaundice and had problems breathing and had to be in an oxygen chamber for the first day of his life in the NICU.

So obviously I understand mentally that there are a lot of risks and it is probably a bad idea. But it doesn't change the feelings I have. I also know that I could adopt or be a Nanny again. Or something. I just didn't think I would get these feelings again. That I would want another one so badly.

This sucks. I just want it to go away and be very happy with the one perfect child I have. My son is wonderful and very sweet.

See you in the moonlight.